The sound of rain pouring down my windowsill was dreadful. Instead of making me feel calm and at home like it usually did, there was an uncommon knot in my stomach that would not rest. The memories of Manager Gook's voice from out last conversation echoed through my brain. I wanted to vomit all my worries out.
"Nana," he had said, smiling brightly. "It's time for you to leave isn't it?"
At the time, I was clueless to what he was talking about. For the first time in my life, everything had settled out perfectly. Taemin and I were doing well, and things were surprisingly normal. Now he wanted me to 'leave'?
"Nana, you remember when we planned your entry as a girl group member to increase your popularity? It worked! You're on the cover of almost every magazine, no one in Korea doesn't know who you are. It's time!"
"You're a star now, sweetie. It's time to make some sacrifices."
Before he could say any more, I rushed back to the dorm, trying to contain my tears until I was back safely in our room. Then I let everything out, the tears and memories that I'd shared with Sunshine Starlight members, all gone. I wondered what they'd think of me once they found out that I was only using them for their fame. And what they would say when they found out I was leaving.
I'd keep quiet about it for now.
During my last few weeks, I spent all my time with the members. I cooked with Strawberry, laughed and joked with JM, went shopping with Immy, and basically did all the things I'd normally do. I left the 'talk' until the final day.
I found it difficult to tell them all I'd done, that I was leaving, that I was going solo. To see their shocked faces, to see their tears spilling down their faces as if in a race, it hurt. It hurt too much.
But all we could do was silently hug, as I heard the soft murmurs of my former members telling me that they'd miss me, and how much they loved me.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Kyri asked me, as we all sat down.
I shrugged. "I'm not sure. I guess I didn't want to face the reality of leaving either, I couldn't admit it."
"Well, let's end this short but fun time with a smile, okay?" Barbie said, giving me a supportive smile.
I grabbed my luggage out of the room, and walked slowly down to meet Manager Gook, in a dizzy state. I looked back at the dorm that I would miss forever, then entered the car.
"We're off to the life of a solo star!" Manager Gook said happily. "Oh, bye the way, Nana, the girls asked me to give this to you."
I opened the envelope in my hand as we sped off, leaving Sunshine Starlight like the dust in our trail.
'Dear Nana,' It read.
'I'm sorry our farewell had to be so quick. There wasn't even any cake! We wanted to let you know how much we love you! And even if you move back to your old company, even if we only see you at variety shows, please still say 'hi'! We'll miss you so much!
Our lovely second maknae, the aegyo cutie with amazing vocals, it won't be thte same without you.
Please stay the same when you're a famous solo artist, and never forget your time as a Sunshine Starlight girl.
Our beautiful Ice Princess, goodbye!
I smiled brightly. No longer did my throat ache from trying to hold back tears. Like Barbie said, I looked back at the memories made with my friends with a smile, as I always will.
Time is short, and fate may change your path so quickly it feels like you're on a roller coaster. But in the end, it's worth it.
-Two years later-
"And this award goes to Sunshine Starlight and their newest single 'White Wish'! [random title ? o-o]"
The crowd erupted with cheers, and somewhere in the back, I was clapping along with them. It had been two years since I left, and we spoke a few times after that.
Once the awards show was finished, I knocked lightly onto their change rooms.
"Come in!" said the matured voice of Barbie. When I stepped in, wearing a normal and over-sized jumper with jeans, Barbie almost gasped. "Nana..?"
"Hi," I said, as we shared an awkward hug. "How are you?"
She's grown from the last time she met. Her blonde locks were gone, and she was now sporting her natural brown. She looked older, wiser. I too lost my cute concept. I was 18 years old and a fully pledged adult, and rather than aiming for a sexy image, I was myself. I didn't do anymore pop songs, and was strictly ballad and acoustic. My ratings were lowered but I still had a few share of fans. But mostly I was happy.
As the other members entered their change room, we all sat and had a long talk about our lives these past 2 years.
"Taemin and I are still dating," I said with a smile, thinking of my boyfriend now. "Are you all good? It's been so long."
They were all doing fine, and though some had gotten over their flings with other idols, a few were still dating. The small talk I had with them was oddly satisfying. Although I didn't stay long, and had to return to my own schedule, I felt like a day had passed. We reminisced about the past, and smile and laughed.
When I was sixteen, I entered Sunshine Starlight. I was broken and confused, but after one year of being with them, I grew up.
As I walked out into the hallway, I whispered to myself, "Goodbye. I've missed you."
please don't hateee meee this took me like iunno a year ! T^T i've gotten into asianfanfics, and it's pretty much taken up all of my time. ._.
GOODBYE SUNSHINE STARLIGHT. SARANGHAEEE <3